Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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