let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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