Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
two words: eviction party
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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