Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
