now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
