Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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