I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Drake has all the answers
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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