so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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