all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
