why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
