My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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