Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
