Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
