she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
