thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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