just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
