Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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