I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
