party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
