Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
