Sry I called you an 8
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
