Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
