i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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