you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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