Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
