My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to calm my uterus...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
