I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
