idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
