You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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