why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
