wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
