Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
