i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
