everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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