she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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