textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
