Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
