Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
