i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
