Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
