If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
