Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
