i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
