i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
