my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have aggressive nipples.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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