first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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