so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
