There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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