he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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