You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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