I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
