i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
