the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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