I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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