the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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