i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There r osticjed everywhere
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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