Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
