Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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